The Advice column

By: Ruby Butler (12th Grade)

So there’s this extracurricular I’ve been doing my whole life and it contributes to the type of career I want. The problem is, I’ve lost the passion for it and everything surrounding it. I don’t find much joy in things I do anymore. What should I do? Should I continue to save the path that’s most reliable, or find something new to love?

It’s hard when you lose interest in something that you know will ultimately benefit you later in life. I completely understand feeling burnt out in an extracurricular activity. The thing is, it isn’t worth it to push yourself too far in an extracurricular if you’re losing interest. Even if you think it will help you with a path in your future, it won’t benefit you in many ways if your heart isn’t in it. However, it could also benefit you to think of the ways in which your extracurricular might benefit you if you do try to stick it out. As you said, it could benefit your future, but it could also bring you closer to people you’re with. Also, sticking it out through the rough patches could strengthen your bond with the extracurricular. In my experience, I thought about quitting my extracurricular at the beginning of this year, but I decided to continue it because I wanted to maintain the friendships I have through it and still experience the good aspects of the activity that I enjoy. If the extracurricular is bringing a significant amount of negativity into your life and not many positive moments, try to find something else that you’re really passionate about - and don’t be afraid to try new things! Also, give yourself some grace! The pressures of high school also often push us to go ahead and pick something without allowing ourselves any grace in the process.

How do I tell a friend that they hug me too often without hurting their feelings?

It can be hard to tell someone that their way of showing that they care about you makes you uncomfortable or uneasy. A lot of people are uncomfortable with people invading their personal space, so it’s completely normal to feel this way! If I were you, I would go to that friend privately and kindly tell them that receiving hugs makes you a little uncomfortable and that you’d rather them show their love for you in another way. It might be hard for this person to adjust right away, especially if giving hugs is extremely common for them. Be patient and remind them that hugs aren’t for you, and I’m sure they’ll understand.

One of my closest friends acts really different when she’s around other people. It’s really fun when we get to hang out just the two of us, but when she hangs out with her other friends she acts really different on Snapchat. What do I do?

When we’re all in such a big growth period, it’s hard when friends start changing or acting differently. I’m sorry that you feel confused about your friendship with her. First, it can be hard to really see how someone is acting through social media. A lot of times, people post on Snapchat to seem like they’re acting a certain way even if they’re not, so take what she posts with a grain of salt. My advice is to go to your friend and express these things to her. Tell her that she seems to act really differently around other people than she does with you, and you want to know why that might be. Be patient with her, because we all know how important “fitting in” can feel in High School. If she acts defensive at first, don’t hesitate to tell her that you really care about her and that you’re not judging her, you just want her to have the ability to be herself in every friendship she has.

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